A Letter For My Father

Dad,

 

Sometimes it’s difficult to put feelings into words.

They tumble outwards, the dam bursts.

They bubble out like a geyser,

Like a babbling brook.

But the words are unsorted, unspecified.

They’re uncooperative, they hurt.

 

So allow me to weave these words

Into a coherent “letter”

Though I guess it’s more a poem

This format suits me better.

 

I want you to know I love you,

Though I might act the opposite.

This time has been difficult

Silence is how I deal with it.

 

I’m curt because I’m unsure,

I’m quiet because I can’t think,

I’m angry because I hate repetition,

I’m sad because I’ve seen the brink.

 

Your words,

Your promises,

They sound so sincere

Like you believe every sentence

Like you can deliver.

 

But to me, to the receiver

They’re empty

I’ve heard them before

I was disappointed then

Heart broken

Why move the hand back

When it was just bitten?

 

I want so much to believe you

Forgive you

Embrace you

But

Every

Single

Time

It falls through

This go ‘round

I’m asking for solid proof.

 

I’ll admit, I don’t understand.

But I will soon,

While you’ve been bleedin’ and fightin’

I’ve been readin’ and writin’

And soon I’ll come through.

I’ll know what you’re going through.

 

I’ve got a question for you.

That man I once knew,

The one who’d joke and laugh

Make me giggle, pat my head?

Is he locked away

Or is he dead?

 

So do your best.

Relax, heal, and rest.

And let this be the last

Test you pass.

 

You want forgiveness?

You need to work for it.

It ain’t as easy as you seem to think,

And don’t forget it.

 

If this is a disease there must be a cure.

Though I’m not always sure,

It’s pure

Bullshit

That I gotta’ sit here all demure.

I assure you,

If this happens again.

There will be no forgiveness.

So get better, man.
Sincerely,

Your daughter

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